bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
