well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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