This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
