If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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