k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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