is your mom at the bar?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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