It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
