saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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