I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
