FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
