The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
