I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I party with great urgency now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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