who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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