We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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