there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
