Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
