Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
