I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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