So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
