I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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