Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
