I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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