Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
