sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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