and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.