he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say