Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.

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(248): View more from Michigan

The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.

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(317): View more from Indiana

honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(207): View more from Maine

I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.

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(818): View more from California

Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.

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(475): View more from Connecticut

his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.

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