I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.