It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina