the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex