Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I pour the whiskey from now on