she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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