the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
