Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
