had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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