the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
