my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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