I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
