So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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