I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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