So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
