The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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