We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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