It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
