Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
