best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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