drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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