Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
