So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize