Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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