So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
