So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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