Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
