see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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