the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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