i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
