no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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