And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
