Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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