I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
worst night to have a conscience
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
