I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
