The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
