I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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