Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
