You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
