Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
