Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
