I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
