so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
