threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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