look no pants
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
