Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
