Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
