There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
