It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
