I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
