New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
