So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
