Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
