she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
