Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
