He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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