I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
