3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
