Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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