Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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