and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
