in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This beer is not sobering me up at all
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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