i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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