I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
