never play flip cup with pint glasses
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
