So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
