White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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