when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
