Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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