you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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