Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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